End of Life Events

The short answer is, anyone who wants one.  In particular, people may plan a living funeral for themselves or their loved ones at any time.  Some will plan an event after receiving the diagnosis of a life-ending illness.  Others may look at their advancing age and feel it is time for a gathering - regardless of not being particularly close to death or knowing when it will come.  Some may be experiencing the first symptoms of memory loss, and decide to host a party while their mind and body are still functioning well.  Others may have had a close call, an injury, or experienced the loss of close friends and loved ones and recognize life is to be cherished and that life, today, calls for a party. 

Dan & John knew that their mother, Jeannette*, had dementia.  She was still cheerful, kind and as generous as ever, but now needed a daytime caregiver and frequent checks in the evening by Dan, who lived next door.  Jeannette had been a single mother and the matriarch of a big, extended family living all up and down the Willamette Valley.  She had two sons but over a dozen people who felt like she was close to a mom.  Jeannette a friendly, competent, funny spitfire and much loved through and through.   

In the spring of her 77th year, Jeannette's two sons decided to throw her a party - while she was still able to recognize her family members, make warm conversation, have pictures taken and dance the night away.  It wasn't a birthday party or a retirement party - it was simply a party to celebrate Jeannette and bring all of her family and close friends together.  

On the day of the party, Jeannette had trouble choosing what to wear, at one point musing, "look at all of these beautiful dresses!  Maybe I'll just change six times!"  She arrived at her son's home for the party in a gorgeous champagne colored dress, a string of pearls around her neck.  Family from nearby and hours away greeted her warmly.  A mariachi band played and Jeannette danced with her sons.  The smell of tacos and roasted meat filled the house as the caterer fed every guest.  Friends had pictures taken in the photo booth, with an extra copy of each made, and at the end of the night a book of memories of the party was ready to be put together. Family and friends hugged Jeannette and sat with her and told stories.  

Jeannette's smile was wide and when asked if she was enjoying the party, said, "are you kidding me? If I knew it was going to be like this I'd throw one of these every year!"  

One week after the party, the memory book arrived in the mail at Jeannette's home.  Her son later reported that each time he stopped by to visit, she was sitting with the photo book open, a wide smile on her face, reliving her party.  

*Names and minor details have been changed for client's privacy.

Absolutely not!  One of the most important goals of Second Valley Events is to change the way we think about gatherings and festivities in the latter half of life.  So many of us are familiar with weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and funerals... but there are so many more times and reasons to celebrate our connections and our love for each other - and we should give ourselves permission to do so!  

Living funerals come in all types and sizes.  Some throw large parties in an event space or restaurant or outdoor tent; others host small gatherings for family in their own homes and backyards, and everything in between.  Mood and tone of these events can range from contemplative and nostalgic to wild and festive, allowing both the host and their guests to mourn, memorialize or celebrate their relationships and each other.

Guests may choose to give toasts, recount favorite memories, or share what qualities they love or admire most about the person hosting the party.  "Living eulogies" are a welcome way for people to express appreciation and love and also garner a feeling of closure.  Ceremonies may include lighting candles, reading letters aloud, singing karaoke, taking photos in a photo booth, planting a garden, creating a cooperative art project, and more.  The sky is the limit when it comes to choosing meaningful and personal forms of celebration. 

It can be difficult to talk about dying and the end of life with loved ones.  It can also be challenging to bring up the topic of a celebration when one is feeling poorly - whether with physical symptoms, anxiety or grief about the end of life.  However, choosing to have a celebration near the end of life is a beautiful way to design one's own passing.  A Living Funeral ensures the opportunity to enjoy one more time together and to make new memories with family and close friends before it is too late to share them.  It also can provide a sense of closure and comfort for loved ones.

One way to bring up the topic of hosting an event near the end of life, but before death, is to ask questions:

• Have you thought about gathering your loved ones around you to get to spend time with everyone before you go?  

• You have accomplished so much; do you think about bringing your friends and family together to celebrate your beautiful life?  

• Sometimes it seems it would be so lovely to attend your own funeral and hear the wonderful things everyone says about you.  Would you consider having a pre-funeral, or a living funeral? 

Although our culture tends to shy away from conversations around death and dying, many who are close to death are not afraid of talking about it and may in fact welcome frank discussions, questions and ideas about how they may want to design their own end of life.